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When I was pregnant with my second child, Isaac, a friend entertained me with a not-so-charming story: While her coworker'south new baby -- too the 2d child -- was napping in the living room, the mother overheard her 3-year-old whisper to a friend, "When Mommy's in the kitchen, we can spit on him." I was horrified and determined to make sure that kind of jealousy didn't happen in my house. Simply while there was no spitting (that I know of, anyway), there was certainly envy.

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At one signal, my three-yr-erstwhile, Hannah, suggested with a sweet grinning that we build her newborn blood brother "a really cute canis familiaris house in the backyard where he tin live."

Of course, being jealous is a normal rite of passage for all firstborns. However, the mode you lot handle it tin affect whether your kid comes to see his new sibling every bit a friend or a foe down the road. Our age-by-historic period guide will assistance your older child adjust to the new kid in town (and keep his spit to himself).

Big-Kid Age: Under 24 months

What you can expect

Like my son Isaac, who was 15 months old when his brother, Ben, was born, young children can seem nearly clueless about the arrival of a new babe. (We may as well have brought dwelling house a pooping blimp beast.) But it can be an emotionally crude road to get a large blood brother or sister before the age of ii. "This is past far the hardest fourth dimension for the firstborn to accept a new infant," says Fran Walfish, Psy.D., author of The Self-Aware Parent. "Every child needs a total tablespoon of Mommy all to herself. Two years is a full tablespoon. Less than that tin increment sibling jealousy and resistance to accepting the baby as a total fellow member of the family unit." If your older kid doesn't seem visibly upset by the baby'due south arrival, it's possible that she is still grieving the end of the fashion her life used to be. Oft this grief doesn't show up as overt jealousy and tantrums until the infant becomes mobile and starts grabbing your older child's things.

How to handle it

Savor the at-home for now, if that's what y'all've got, and be sure to schedule some time lonely each day with your toddler, even if information technology's simply a 15-minute story while the babe is in someone else'due south arms. Remind yourself to smile when your toddler comes into the room, merely equally you did before y'all were so exhausted. (It doesn't take much energy to grin and to requite hugs and kisses to a fiddling one who may need them.) Of course, toddlers can exist an unreasonable bunch, new infant or no new baby. "Don't fall into the trap of negotiating or pleading with your child," says Dr. Walfish. If she whines that she wants you to pick her upwardly but y'all're nursing the baby, tell her: "Yous're pitiful that I can't selection yous up right at present. I'm sad as well. Come snuggle upwards next to me and the infant. And when I'chiliad finished, let's hug!"

Recommended reading

• I'm a Big Sister (or I'm a Big Brother) , past Joanna Cole. A new big sister compares what she tin can do with what babies can practise, then lets her parents know how special she is.
• Waiting for Baby (New Baby) , past Rachel Fuller. Create your own narrative as yous flip through this lath book showing a toddler who sees Mommy off to the hospital, meets the baby for the first fourth dimension, and helps Daddy and then Mommy can remainder.

Babe pulls male child's hair

Credit: AE Pictures Inc/Getty Images

Big Kid Age: 2-three years

What you tin look

Many children this historic period become weepy, whiny, or clingy, especially afterward the novelty of a new baby wears off. "Ever since my baby came home, ane of my iii-twelvemonth-old twins has been super jealous," says Amy Shoaff, of Westchester, California. "She'll say she wants powder on her bottom, which she sees me putting on the baby, and she screams until she gets it." Kids may want to nurse once more if they've been weaned or to beverage from a bottle when they've been happily using a sippy cup for months. Bedtime rituals may elevate out and collide tragically with your babe's fussy catamenia. Also, a child who has been sleeping in his ain bed may suddenly want to sleep in yours, especially if the baby is in your room. And if he's been sleeping through the night he may start having nightmares or waking and wanting to get in on the activeness when he hears the baby at iii a.1000. "Most toddlers and preschoolers feel very conflicted about a new sibling. A part of them just wants to exist a babe and another role, the part that says, 'I tin do it myself,' wants autonomy and independence," notes Parents advisor Jenn Berman, Psy.D., author of The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids.

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How to handle it

Requite words to your child's mixed emotions. Try something similar, "It looks like yous actually desire to be a baby now besides," suggests Dr. Berman. And then let your older child play baby for a while. My daughter, Hannah, and I used to do this when Isaac was a newborn: She'd sit on my lap and I'd cradle her, legs spilling over the side of the rocking chair, as she said variations of "Googeegaga" until we both started to express joy. The more I let myself get into it, the funnier it became, which I suspect defused her sadness and helped her move on; she didn't ask to play baby more than a few times later that.

To help your child adjust to her new daily life, programme ahead while you're significant. "Bedtime routines inevitably are shortened when the new baby arrives," says Edward R. Christophersen, Ph.D., a clinical kid psychologist at Children's Mercy Hospitals and Clinics, in Kansas Metropolis, Missouri. "And then condense them ahead of time." If your child is used to Mommy getting him up and giving him breakfast, transition to Daddy doing it at present and then before the baby is born. And Daddy should be sure to say how excited he is to have a plow with morn time. If the baby will exist sleeping in your older child's crib, become him a toddler bed months before the baby arrives (or get another crib). Information technology's also important to avoid blaming the babe for any negative changes in the business firm -- that's a recipe for resentment.

Recommended reading

• On Mother'southward Lap, by Ann Herbert Scott. A comforting mom makes sure that there is enough room on her lap for Michael, his beloved toys, and -- when she cries -- his new sister.
• Best-Always Large Sister (or Best-Ever Big Brother), past Karen Katz. This lift-the-flap book teaches future big brothers and sisters about all that babies are capable of and how older siblings should be proud of their own accomplishments.

Male child and babe on bed

Big Kid Historic period: 4-6 years

What you can expect

Kids at this stage are often more understanding, and they can be pretty levelheaded about the introduction of a new sibling. So if the baby spits up on her, it'southward easier to explain that he didn't practise it on purpose. And if the baby gets into her toys, you can help her put away her favorites so the baby tin't reach them. (Toys that are a choking adventure must ever be kept out of accomplish.) Kids in this age group accept amend coping skills, not to mention the ability to take turns or await longer for a snack or a story. They as well have more of a life of their own, between schoolhouse, playdates, and activities. Your child's world is widening and she isn't so reliant on yous to be her everything. That said, you're still the person to whom she's near fastened; if she's not getting the attention she needs from you, she may fear she'southward existence left behind and act upwards.

How to handle it

"Ane-on-one time with your older kid is the all-time antidote to her fright of abandonment," says Dr. Berman. Fifty-fifty if it'south just a trip to the grocery shop, invite her to join you and exit the baby abode with your partner if possible. And when the babe does things that might drive your older kid nuts, be her advocate: Replace her torn book; allow her shut out the wailing by listening to a soothing song on your telephone. Say, "I know this is hard. Let's take a deep breath together."

Recommended reading

• Babies Don't Eat Pizza , by Dianne Danzig. A mannerly, straightforward book that covers "wacky" baby hair, hospital bracelets, and the bottom line that eating pizza is a privilege that's only for older kids.
• Julius, the Babe of the World, by Kevin Henkes. Lilly doesn't try to hide her jealousy every bit she tells her baby brother, Julius, that if he were a food he'd be a raisin and if he were a number he'd be 0. Merely Lilly'south loyalty awakens when a cousin insults the baby.

Big-Kid Age: vii to 8 years

What you lot can expect

If you ask your kid how his day was, he might just say, "Fine." Information technology takes more effort to get children this age to talk and open up about what they are feeling, says Dr. Walfish. The challenge is to get them to express whatsoever jealousy that may atomic number 82 to obnoxious behavior (such as defiance, back talk, or an overt disregard of the baby).

How to handle it

When my children were this age, my secret weapon for getting them to open up was a 10-minute snuggle before bed. While my kids told me basically nothing in the machine on the ride home from school starting in kickoff grade, they'd tell me a whole lot at 8:15 p.m. as nosotros were unwinding by the glow of the night-calorie-free. Dr. Walfish recommends asking your child to call back what information technology was like to be the only child in the family and what's different about life now. You lot might enquire what'south hard and what'southward fun nearly the baby. If he lets on that he's feeling jealous, reassure him of your love and ask if in that location's something you can do to aid. Or tell him about a time when you felt jealous of your own sibling. To aid build your children'south bond with each other, do your best to engage your older kid with the babe. Invite him to help wrap a towel around the baby when yous accept her from the tub, to read the baby a story while you fold laundry beside them, or to distract her with a song during a squirmy diaper alter. But be careful that you don't rely on him to be a junior bodyguard, which could quickly go a burden.

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Recommended reading

• What to Expect When the New Baby Comes Home, by Heidi Murkoff. Angus the Answer Dog provides the inside scoop on important questions well-nigh the new baby, such as why he cries so much and gets then many presents.
• What Most Me? 12 Ways to Become Your Parents' Attention (Without Hitting Your Sis), past Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D. This volume by a Parents advisor addresses sibling rivalry and envy past showing kids in that location are creative and kind ways to bargain with feeling left out.

5 Ways to Aid Your Child Adjust

1. Don't try to "prepare" your child'south negative emotions; just practise the best you can to understand and take them.
2. Experience free to be silly about the situation: "Yep, allow's pretend to build a really prissy dog house for the baby to live in! Maybe we tin can transport Uncle Noah out there to live in information technology too!"
3. But don't be and so silly (or silly so frequently) that you minimize her feelings.
4. Acknowledge it whenever he's being sweet with the baby.
5. Know that adjusting to a new baby is an ongoing process. If you're unsure of what to do, talk to a smart mommy friend who has older children, your pediatrician, or a counselor.

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Celeb Siblings: The Age Gap

See which famous moms have the aforementioned spacing between their kids as you do!

1 year

• Jessica Simpson's daughter, Maxwell, and son, Ace, are well-nigh xiv months autonomously.
• Drew Barrymore's daughter Olive was 19 months old when picayune sister Frankie was born.
• Brooke Burke-Charvet's youngest daughter, Sky, is 14 months older than little brother Shaya.

2 years

• Penélope Cruz's son, Leo, is two and a one-half years older than his sister, Luna.
• Kristin Cavallari's son Camden is 21 months older than baby brother Jaxon.

3 years

• Michelle Obama'south daughters, Malia and Sasha, are three years autonomously.
• Jennifer Garner's kids -- Violet, Seraphina, and Samuel -- are each separated by about 3 years.

4 years

• Reese Witherspoon's ii oldest kids, Ava and Deacon, are 4 years autonomously.

v years

• Halle Berry's daughter, Nahla, was v when Berry welcomed her son, Maceo.

half-dozen years

• Tina Fey's girl Alice was nigh 6 when the family welcomed baby Penelope.

7 years

• Kate Hudson'south sons, Ryder and Bingham, take most seven and a one-half years betwixt them.

8 years

• Jennifer Connelly's two youngest children, Stellan and Agnes, are almost eight years apart.

ix years

• Céline Dion's son René-Charles was virtually 10 years old when his twin brothers, Eddy and Nelson, were born.

More than x years

• Victoria Beckham'southward oldest son, Brooklyn, is 15, and her daughter, Harper, is iii.

-- Reported by Jacquie Itsines

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Source: https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/everything-pregnancy/this-boys-response-when-he-finds-out-hes-gonna-be-a-big-brother-is/